Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
