dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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