I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
