I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Operation Purity has been aborted
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
