The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize