grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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