Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
