No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
