I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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