I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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