I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
