I must be too annoying 4 u.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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