they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
