She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
