you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
