I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
it's like iHOP with fire
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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