He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
