do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
