I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize