You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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