i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
