It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
