I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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