Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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