Buhtt sex?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
