i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
