apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
