Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
