Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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