alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
