I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
