yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Also, beer. Big fan.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
