dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My liver just broke up with me...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Randomize
