Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
