my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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