My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
