Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
