I am puke
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
