yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
