Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
