Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
