it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
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You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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