I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
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She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
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Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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