I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
last night I used snow as a chaser
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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