My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
