NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
