you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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