Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
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Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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