took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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