You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
