we have officially lost it.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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