We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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