oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
