Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
