listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
