WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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