If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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