I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
