Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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