I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
