I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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