i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
