this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
