i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
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I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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