It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
