When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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