I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
