Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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