break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm sobbing to NWA
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
