she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
