I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
