I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
