We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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