You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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