why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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